Bob Richards, former Olympic gold medalist, and I lectured together. I once watched him interview some other Olympic gold medal winners. He asked them, "What do you do when you hurt?" I was curious about the question. I asked him why he asked about hurting. He quickly replied, "No one wins the gold without hurting." They each had some specific plan or routine they went through during the hurting time. They expected it and planned for it. It was part of their perseverance. Marathon runners know that they will reach a point when they "hit the wall." Their training regimen includes mental and physical preparation for breaking through.
Artificial relief and quick fixes become very tempting during the long periods of perseverance. Some turn to chemicals such as drugs or alcohol; others turn to the psychological quick-fixes of sex or spending. Often this does bring short-term relief but invariably adds to the long-term problem.
During difficult times we can expect loss. The first I notice among businessmen is the loss of confidence. An officer of a failed corporation was telling me that his success had really just been luck because he really didn't have the kind of capability that people thought he had. I told him that I would not listen to somebody else lie about him so I certainly wasn't going to begin listening to him lie about himself. That's exactly what he was doing. His confidence had been shaken but not his ability. Often this loss of confidence shows either in withdrawal or in the pseudo-confidence of cockiness.
Another loss is one of relationship that was based on position, not on personal attributes. In our society we are respected for our success. When we lose the title we should realistically expect much of our network power to go. One of the most vulnerable positions I know in industry is the vice president of purchasing who retires and has lived under the illusion that people liked him rather than the orders which he provided. It is hard for executives to understand that much of who they are is because of what they are. One of my friends who gave up the presidency of his corporation to become involved in personal business matters asked me to predict some of the things he would be facing. My experience with similar situations has shown me that one of the most common problems is the difficulty in getting phone calls returned. My friend could't believe it, but a few months later he said to me, "You were right on. Now I don't even leave my number. "
The American philosophy of "what have you done for me lately" hits home.
Unless we know the difference between associates and genuine friends, we can experience some disappointing jolts. One man going through a down time very wisely listed his friends who would not be affected by his success or failure. He and his wife concentrated on spending their time with them. We should not be disillusioned by the remoteness of acquaintances. Friends will stand.
It is important to keep up contacts and activities even during painful times. We might have to change the activities because we may not have the money for golf or "expense account" type lunches, but there are so many things one can do to stay in the loop that cost little. I find that writing letters, sending clippings, making phone calls, looking in the paper for interesting activities will keep the mind active and the energy level up. Inertia is devastating.
Another way of planning for pain is to do something for someone else every day. Self-absorption sucks us into a tight downward spiral. The negative energy of that whirlpool makes escape difficult unless we take action to focus on others. I know a kindly 84 year old woman who still writes twenty letters a day to prisoners. She has found the cure for her pain of ageing and poor health. She is redeeming both the time and the pain.
Plan for pain — it will come. Don't be surprised, nor thrown off course. Accomplishers have a strategy for facing it and coming through.
